hmmm... its been a while since i last updated... my date went well. Ive actually gone on a few dates with the guy since i last posted. My birthday is in 1 hour and 25 min. lol Im excited cause hes going to make me dinner for my birthday! Its actually longer than 1 hour and 25 min until dinner, ill have the whole day to wait tomorrow but im sure it will come fast enough! Its funny how things turn out. This last week has been a real eye opener for me! Ive met someone that seems really nice...even though it was not the right time in my life for meeting someone. Im unemployed, dealing with health problems, taking care of my grandmother when i can, my life feels like its been at a stand still for the last couple of years. Im not in school yet (although i plan on it) my energy and motivation are no where near where they used to be....Why now? What does God have in store for me?
Ive also just recently found out some kind of disturbing news about a couple of friends of mine... one, just got a dui. I feel sort of at fault for this. And i have come to the realization that in order to save my friend, i may just have to stop being friends with him. This is hard for me cause ive been friends with him for such a long time... but i dont want to make things worse. And two, is how a friend of mine preceives me now. I used to be this outgoing, energized, motivated person. But my health problems have really taken a tole on me and i no longer, well, i no longer am that person. I hope to get back to the "old me" but i just dont know when that will happen. Ive seen these changes in me for a long time but i guess it just struck home that a friend sees them as well. I dont want to be known that way. I want the old me back soooo bad! hhhh....ive got to find a way to bring the old me back, ive got to be in there somewhere still...i hope. I just dont know what else to try... ive tried just about every thing medically that there is to try and what else can i do? Ive prayed... and try to live my life according to Gods will... but my life is still at a stand still. I am starting school in the spring though. Maybe that will help to get me back into the swing of things and maybe it will help me to feel more motivated and like my life has some direction.
Ive been working on school stuff all day... scheduling appointments with counselors, looking into the work study programs and figureing out when ill take the placement tests for school. (its been a long time since ive been in school!) But i am looking foreward to going back...i liked school when i was in it. I even think i will take a gym class to help get me in shape! Ive gained a lot of weight not working, so its time i took charge and get rid of it! I just need the support...hopefully my mom will stick with me this time and we can be each others support. If not ill have to find something or someone else to motivate me!
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