New Year

New Years Eve i fell asleep too early....but i did start my New Years Day off with a bang. My best friend and i went out for some much needed time out of the house. We had a great time at Prime Tyme (our local bar). LOL There was hardly anyone there. Just me and Amanda, the kareoke dj, and two other guys, and the bartender of coarse. But we played pool and sang kareoke and just had a blast!

I have a good feeling about this year. Like, maybe all my medical problems will come together and i will find away to live my life. I will be able to go back to work and the thing im most excited about....going back to school! I cant wait to see whats in store for me this year.

Going to check on an application i put in at Borders book store and im hoping that they will give me an interview. But i have found that even with not working, i have no problems keeping my time occupied. But somethings got to change and i think that a job is the most logical place to start. The only thing that is stopping me is fear. I am so afraid that im not going to be able to hold a job. After all my medical problems and the way they affected me at my last job and ultimately getting fired because i was not able to preform at the level i could before my medical problems. I worry. Constantly! I have panic attacks about it! I keep praying about my situation and hoping that i can get over my fears and motivate myself to find a job. Time will tell i guess. Maybe if i start out with something part time. That would probably be best with wanting to start school in the spring anyways. I also worry because of my Grandma. I take care of her a good portion of the time and I dont know what my Mom will do without me. Plus, my Grandma is so used to having me aroun im afraid that the change might not go well. I'll be praying about it! Well, wish me good luck...ill need it!

Today i went into town shopping with my mother and grandma Hazel. We had a good time. I got to spend my gift card at the Buckle that my brother Clay got me for Christmas. We ate lunch at Chilli's. And got Grandma some new clothes. She likes getting out of the house... she spends too much time at home i think.

Got another doctors appointment tommorrow. Every appointment i pray that we can find something that works. Something that will at least allow me to cope with the pain. Even now im not doing so well with it. Sometimes i just sit and all i can do is cry because i hurt so bad and i wish i had the "old" me back... before all this pain started. I was so different back then, then i am now. Right now i feel like im going no where with my life. The "old" me was motivated, and always reached my goals, and wanted more out of life... now i feel like ill just settle for a day with out the pain. Maybe this year will be the year that i get the "old" me back!