My Valentines day

So im up once again. Cant sleep. Whats new though. I have to get up early tomorrow though. The original plan was to go job hunting but now i think im going to have to put that off for a few days. I have to see the counselors at the college and get some stuff straightened out and then Kamie won a spa package in coerde alene' and she can bring her bridesmaids. So it will be a lot of fun to relax and be pampered with my sis tomorrow!

I feel so overwhelmed with everything right now... trying to go back to school and trying to find a job, living at home, trying to loose weight (not an easy feat with my mom doing the grocery shopping)... I just need to try and break things down and handle one thing at a time. hummph... lol easier said then done! Im kinda in a time crunch for school... so maybe thats the one i should try to concentrate on right now.

As for Valentines day... spent it single again this year. It wasnt so bad, i had some whipped cream vodka and watched a movie while i cuddled up in bed... lol not exactly romantic or good company but it wasnt bad. I really dont mind being single. Im not really any good at the whole dating thing... ive decided that i really want to be just friends with someone before i date them. I think it seems to work better and not be so akward that way. And besides that... whats wrong with being single anyways!? lol a friend of mine and i had made an agreement a while ago, that if we were still single by the time that we were 30 that we would date. lol the way things are going for me that may not be so far off! And really it wouldnt be that bad... hes a good friend, i can talk to him about anything, and above all hes honest...(lol sometimes maybe a little too honest, but i appriciate that about him!) I guess i dont really have to worry about that right now though... ive still got 6 years. And since ill be going back to school and work, i could very well meet someone. Who knows! We did agree that if we are both single next valentines day though that we would do something together. It would have been nice to have done something this year but we didnt think about it in time. So maybe next year. At least that would give us both something to do.

Now im just bored and typing so i guess i better get off of here before i start rambling more then i already am. So good night.

All worried for nothing

So i went out with this guy for a few weeks. He was super nice. But we just didnt click. I wish we would have! He has got to be the nicest guy ive ever met but there was just something in me that was uncomfortable and didnt feel right. I prayed about several nights, then i just woke up this last morning and knew what i had to do. It was hard. And i feel like crap for letting him down, but it had to be done. Kinda stinks right before Valentines Day. or as a good friend of mine would call it... singles awareness day! lol So true though. But i guess i have some other things to look foreward to. Like my little sisters wedding. Cant wait! Im the maid of honor so ill have a lot of responsibilities but i look foreward to it. Its a little hard seeing my "little" sister getting married before me but the happiness for her way out weighs the little bit of jealousy i have. Her fiance and her make a great couple and i believe that they will have a great marriage. The are sooo suited for each other. But now, cause of the wedding im on a time crunch to loose my weight ive gained. Ive been trying to work out twice a day... ive already lost 11 lbs. But now ive got to be in a little cute dress by aug 20th. That gives me a little bit of time but ive got a lot of weight to loose too! It can be done though and I am determined to do it!

Its late tonight... fell asleep at aprox 10:30 and woke up at 2am. really kinda stinks... but ive been trying not to take my sleeping meds. They are addictive and i really dont want to have that problem. So i guess this is what i do at night. Just write everything thats on my mind... not a whole heck of a lot lol but something to do i guess. I watch grandma tomorrow so that will give me something to do.

I also am in a spot where i dont know what to do... i just applied for a job with the railroad... my parents dont think that would be a good job for me and if i do end up getting a job with them it may stall my going back to school... i dont know if i would be any good at it or not. Something ive been praying about. To know what path i should take. Maybe the railroad is not for me. I really dont know. So if you read this... i could use some prayers. Just to help me see what God wants me to do.

Well i suppose i should try and go back to sleep... so Good night for now.